Hatsukoi – A First Love

What is the taste of a first love? Sweet? Bitter? Sour? Or just plain? If it is plain, then I doubt it’s love..

To tell you the truth, I haven’t forgotten you, never. It’s been 2 years, and the time keeps on passing by. Day by day I spent, never did a day spent without thinking of you. I still remember the days, the memories, your voice, your gaze, your touch, even your scent. The same scent of my room right now, the same scent of my pillow. Just hugging it makes me remember when I hugged you, which is only once happened.

Since that day, my days are full of regret. I regret almost everything. Most of all, I regret letting go of you. I regret that I can’t give you the love you always want, even though I knew it. I regret not being able to convey my feelings, although they’re sincere. I regret the promises I never fulfilled. I regret the words I've said unintentionally that makes you sad. That’s me, just a gloomy girl full of regret.

Even though I said that we should come back to how we used to be, I can’t do it myself. When you treat me coldly, I would feel lonely. But when you treat me kindly, I’ll start to hope although I mustn't  Whatever you did to me, I’ll just feel sad. I am in misery. Nothing I can do to change back to the way we were before. Everything has changed. Nothing can be restored to the beginning. Not even our heart. A heart that ever broke, can never go back to how it used to be. Especially if the pieces are too small, it can flew by the wind to somewhere far away.

Maybe I’m just jealous. Just jealous of seeing you being happy while I’m still in the cycle. Everything is going forward, my life, my maturity, my knowledge, my wisdom. It’s just my heart that’s still spinning in that never-ending cycle. Guess my heart is already stopped since the day I fell in love.